Want the inside scoop on a typical day living with my parents? I must preface this entry with the fact that if I had a 9-5 job, or any job for that matter (ouch…I guess writing without a contract doesn’t count) then living with my parents would probably look different than it currently does. Let’s take a look at this past Tuesday…
Kids and Cracked Eyes
After securing a doctor in this new city we decided to make it a family affair to get our blood work done, followed by a nice lunch at The Works, an awesome hamburger joint across the road from the clinic.
My mom was the first to go behind the curtain and as my dad and I sat in the waiting area, a little girl, maybe 4 years old, bolted out of an examination room and sat in the chair directly behind mine. Without missing a beat she leaned over and shouted in my ear, “ARE YOU M______’S MOM??!!”
“Am I whose mom?” I asked.
“ARE YOU MAXIM’S MOM???!”
“No. Sorry. I’m not his mom.”
[Though I’m a little deaf from this girl’s shouting, I’m also kind of pleased that she thinks I’m someone’s mom.]
The little girl gives me a blank stare, and then she turns and looks and her grandpa who has come to join her. Then she looks back at me again.
“ARE YOUR EYES CRACKED??!?!”
“Are my eyes…what?”
“ARE YOUR EYES CRACKED?!?!?!”
“No. [Laughing] Do they look cracked?”
“PAPA LET ME SEE YOUR EYES! ARE THEY CRACKED?!”
“What is she saying?” Papa asks me, with a tinge of exasperation in his voice.
“‘Are your eyes cracked?’” I say.
“Oh,” says Papa, and then pauses for a good 30 seconds. He continues, “I think she thinks you’re cross-eyed.”
Bad Jokes and Burgers
Next stop is The Works, which is pretty uneventful except for the fact that my dad doesn’t give up on the jokes. As we walk into the empty restaurant my dad says, “Oh looks like we’re the first ones here! Does that mean we get a free meal?”
“Haha, if only I had that power!” says the waitress.
“Oh. So…you don’t have that power?”
“Hahaha…no, unfortunately not.” She responds.
“So…we don’t get a free meal?” [My dad still thinks he’s being funny].
“Dad! Stop it!” I hiss.
“Haha…ha…No,” says waitress.
Under Age Alien
After that we head to the hospital, where I have an appointment. “Do you want me to go in with you?” My mom asks.
“No. Please no.” I respond. “I don’t want to feel like I’m 16 instead of 26.”
I emerge less than 30 minutes later and we proceed to do some grocery shopping. Only I wasn’t really thinking when I got dressed that morning and decided to wear a v-neck shirt, which doesn’t look good when you have to wear one of these for the next 24 hours:
So I follow my parents around the grocery store looking a little bit like an alien, and as I pass by good-looking men within my age range I think what the heck am I doing grocery shopping with my parents? Maybe I’m just hypersensitive or insecure about this phase in life, but I vowed to never again be the tag along when mom and dad do their grocery shopping.
We came home after the grocery store, but because I wasn’t supposed to touch any electronics I couldn’t work on resumes, search for jobs online, or write like I normally would. And I also couldn’t go for a run, because any perspiration would cause the pads to become unstuck and the connection would be lost. So instead my mom and I went for a walk through town.
This town is made up of a couple of roads, a crescent, and a general store. I had never checked out the general store before so we headed on over, passing a dead snake and a dead frog on the way. My mom took pictures with her camera phone.
What we found in the general store was yarn galore! In addition to a bunch of knitting books. I decided I needed a new passion, so after pouring over the books for a good 30 minutes I determined that later that night I was going to knit a hat. I gave up after 10 minutes. It just wasn’t fun. Maybe I’ll have to try again another time when I’m not splitting my attention between my mom’s lesson and an episode of Glee.
The day ended with a Bettmümpfeli (bedtime snack) and an episode of Law and Order, in which my mom hid her eyes behind the sofa cushion and yelled at the TV screen and my dad yelled back “It’s just a show!” while she retorted frantically, “But it’s based on real events!”
Wow, so that was a day in the life of Natalie and her parents. Clearly not very exciting. Pray for this girl. She needs a life.