On Wednesday evening I began to experience a lot of fear. It was the “I don’t know if I can do this!” kind of fear, and it came about while I was lining up rows of shoe boxes during my last shift at work. I began to crave the “order” that I was creating. Suddenly the perfectly lined boxes were a deep contrast to the lack of control I felt. My mind was swirling with thoughts of all the little details involved with moving to the other side of the world: stepping off the plane in Bangkok, getting to my apartment (well past midnight), figuring out how to use the Skytrain, buying food at the market, etc, etc.
But I can do this. I keep reminding myself I am a 27 year old woman. I navigated myself across Europe when I was 20. I can do this too. And if I get a little lost in the process, that’s ok! This is an adventure. And not only that, one my dreams in life is to be on the Amazing Race (if they ever open it to Canadian residents!) so in addition to expanding my world view I know this experience is going to give me some great practical skills!
Besides, I recently sent out a mass email to over 70 people informing them of “Natalie’s Next Adventure.” I’m not about to back out after that!
In my flurry of emotions and occasional moments of doubt I am thankful for the encouraging friends and family I have who have shown nothing but excitement for me. I’ve received many kind words, emails, gifts, and prayers. This past Sunday my friend Amy and I met halfway between our two homes for a lunch date. Highlights of our meal included our extra-perky waitress, who thanked us every time she took our order or brought us our food. They train their wait staff well at East Side Marios!
Amy surprised (and blessed) me with a huge bag of goodies to take to Thailand: things that will help me relax, remind me of the familiar, and inspire me to keep going.
And when I pulled out some hand-written and decorated cards tied with a ribbon my heart began to swell. Amy had taken the time to write out some quotations from A Million Miles in a Thousand Years to give me encouragement and remind me why I’m doing this. And I need them!
Here’s my favourite:
Well said! I’m choosing not to walk in fear. And I’m excited that one day I’ll get to look back on this experience and tell a story about a girl who lived with her parents and worked at a shoe store and ended up on the other side of the world in Thailand…