The thing that I don’t like about being “back” in Canada is the terminology.
“You’re back home.”
“What are you going to do now that you’re back?”
I don’t like it because back refers to the past. Being back makes me think of going back in time instead of moving forward with life.
I have returned to my home country, but there is no way that I’m going back.
My challenge is dealing with the simplest things make me feel like I never left. They make me wonder if that 6 months of time cinched in between a world of familiarity really happened.
I’ll flick on the television and see a rerun of a show. Didn’t I just see this episode? And then I remember that I just saw it back in December.
Every time I open my closet door my mind goes back to November and the 30 minutes leading up to my interview with ECPAT. I sat in that closet with the doors closed and the lights off, fully aware that with this interview everything was about to change (dramatic, I know).
Everything did change when I went to Thailand. I have six month’s worth of incredible memories and experiences to show for it. But at present I am in Canada, standing in front of my closet door, and I wonder what that change is supposed to look like here.
Pre-Bangkok was a necessary season of preparation and character-building. Bangkok gave me the chance to live that out on the mountain top and gain vision for the future. And here in post-Bangkok is where the real test of character comes into play as I learn to walk it out in trust.
So with that said, the only thing I’m going back to is the future.
“Welcome forward, Natalie!”