I’m not a woman.
Translation: I didn’t get the job.
So I’ll remain in girlhood adolescence for the time being, all the while repeating my new mantra:
“I am not going to Israel. I am not going to Israel. I am not going to Israel.”
A few weeks ago my friend Jen B came to visit. We have a similar thirst for adventure and have spent much of the past decade living in various cities/countries/provinces. Both of us agreed that it’s time to stop moving around and start making some roots, even though that’s hard for thrill-seekers such as ourselves.
It was just a couple hours after we had this conversation and after I had committed to sticking out the year in Ottawa when I received an email from my friend Heidi. Heidi told me that she knew of a family in Israel who needed some help with the children because the mother was sick. She asked if I was interested.
Umm…hello? YES! Who wouldn’t be interested in Israel!?
I relayed this new information to Jen, who instantly burst my bubble.
“You can’t go to Israel.”
“Oh. I can’t? But I have a lot of Jewish friends…”
Then she gave me this little nugget of wisdom (paraphrased):
“I often find that whenever I make a decision – and it’s a good decision, but a hard one – it seems like the next day I’m faced with a number of different options that seem so much more romantic. They’re a temptation, because they’re easier. They don’t require endurance and working through the hard stuff. They’re more like an escape route.”
Urrghh….I hate how right she is. I know that this is a season of sticking it out, enduring, persevering…and I know it can only better prepare me for whatever is next. But honestly – it still sucks a lot.
The Israel option has passed but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t scouring the Thailand job boards moments after receiving my rejection email today. It’s a lot harder to say, “I am not going to Thailand. I am not going to Thailand. I am not going to Thailand.”
But I am remembering the good things here. Old friends. New friends. Lots of new friends. Family.
It’ll be ok…right?