Those are the words that I long to utter.
I’m not the type of person who fills up my life with so many activities that I have no time left to spare. I hate that feeling, and I hate how I act when life becomes that way. In fact, when I notice that my google calender is filling up fast, I get anxious and re-work my schedule so that I know I’ll have some me-time. I prefer this me-time in the morning, before the world is awake, and all I need is some freshly-brewed coffee, a journal, a pen, and my bible. I treasure this time and am easily irritated when people start talking to me and break my focus.
Anyway, back to being bored. I want to be bored because I want to be creative. In a conversation the other day I learned that creativity often stems from boredom, and the reason people lack creativity is because they’re just so busy. I’ve felt this way a lot lately. All I want to do is get my creative juices flowing once again, but I can’t. I’m stuck.
I think back to when Living with my Parents started, two years ago. I was incredibly bored! I was living out in the sticks and I had no job, and no purpose. After fighting through some resistance I channeled that boredom into writing, and have never enjoyed creating prose as much as I did in those 6 months.
But like I said, my problem isn’t that I’m too busy. My problem is that I don’t know how to rest.
Take for example two weeks ago. It was Friday night and I had no plans. All I wanted to do was come home from work and create. I pulled out some scrap booking paper, I started to print some photos, and I gathered some old picture frames I had on hand.
And then I noticed the mess.
The absolute clutter in every corner of our apartment. The dishes stacked high. My unwashed laundry. And so I stopped creating and started cleaning. I became obsessed with cleaning and worked well into the evening, finally heading to bed around 11pm.
This happens to me a lot. I’ve forgotten how to just be and I’m constantly bombarded with the message that I must do. But then I’m never satisfied with how I’ve spent my time, and I never end the day feeling as though I’ve somehow enriched my life.
I’m just longing for some boredom (obviously without neglecting responsibilities). I want to stop, breathe, sit in silence, become utterly bored, and wildly imaginative. That’s my goal this next week.
Here’s to boredom!