This is the theme in my life as of late: dreams change. And that’s not a bad thing.
As Simon and I reflect on our future two main things that are wrapped up in that are finances and dreams.
It was very easy for me to dream as a single person. My dreams were lofty and whimsical and I achieved many of them. Some paid, others didn’t. And while I don’t regret the past three years of my life (touring with BUgirl and working in Bangkok) I am no better off financially because of those decisions. That’s reality. What’s also reality is that I started life in Ottawa when I did because of those decisions – and I met Simon. No regrets there.
The book “Just Do Something” has never been more prominent in my life than it is now. Do I still have dreams? Sure. Do I still want to be able to use my gifts and talents? Of course. But I am no longer expecting to find a job that will make that happen. Not only that, but I don’t need it.
My dreams now are for a family, for community, for owning a home that we can renovate…and future things that Simon and I will dream together. The Natalie of the past 10 years would have looked that those dreams and said they were worldly and selfish. Sound harsh? It is! Which is why it’s taken me so long to transform my mindset and accept the reality that I want those things, and that’s ok. I don’t need to live on the other side of the country or the world for life to be exciting. The most exciting thing about life is relationships, and as long as I’m invested in those I’ll always be living an adventure.
While my dreams have changed, my overall vision has stayed the same, and I think that’s what’s most important. The vision for the kind of life I want to live and the kind of person I want to be, and ultimately who I want guiding my life.
At our first pre-marital counselling session 2 weeks ago Kailen asked me how longed I’ve stayed in one place in my adult life.
“One and a half years,” I responded.
“How old are you?” He asked.
“Does it intimidate you to know that this is where you’re staying?”
I thought about that question for a few moments and then responded honestly, “Not anymore.”
It’s true. I don’t have to leave anymore to embrace the exciting life. Because this new reality of “settling down” is the most exciting one yet.